Enlightening Moment with a Sensitive Son

For almost 7 years now I have been the mother to a little boy that ever since he was small has been unique in his own special ways.  He is smart beyond his years, funny, creative and sensitive. Today I had a reminder of how sensitive he is...

Around other children he does his best to keep up with their "kind" of play, the ruff houseing, battles, good guy bad guy play. Still  he often chooses to not take part in this play, simply because he does not like it.  Sometimes to avoid it, he will go off on his own.

There is a reason why we do not watch anything but PBS..and yes at almost 7 he still really enjoys Sesame Street, Curious George, and Peep and the big wide world.  He does not enjoy anything where someone might be captured, hurt or killed. even Toy Story is scary for him (that kid Sid is crazy!) He wants those shows turned off or he goes upstairs.

The ONLY Disney movie he will watch is Cars.  He LOVES this movie! It is a nice movie with no bad guys, no violence, just cars racing and Mater being silly! So we thought what fun to go see Cars 2 at the movies!  They have never been, since there was never a movie we though Mason would enjoy....

Well guess what..they took the peacefulness out of the Cars movie. My husband and I as adults enjoyed it., Our little one loved all the excitement, but Mason did NOT! Had I known I would not have taken him to it. Don't get me wrong..I thought the movie was very well put together and the plot was action packed for a cartoon! But for our sensitive child..he was so thrown off and I cant imagine the disappointment of being excited to be at the movies only to be traumatized by bombs, guns, explosives, etc...it was too much for him and he found himself scared and in tears, wanting to leave the movies.  We got him threw it, reassuring him that its a kids movie and it will all be alright.

When we got home he was actually feeling sick to his stomach..a mix of popcorn and nerves no doubt. 

Shortly after he went to bed and the little one was asleep, I popped back into his room to check on him..he was having a hard time falling asleep...so I told him this...

"What I love about you is that you do not like the kind of movies that are violent and want to hurt people.  Its OK to not want to see those things...it means that you are a kind and loving person inside.  It means that you can take that peacefulness in your heart that you have and do great things in this world!  And if you don't want to watch scary things you do not have to!"

Sometimes I think its normal for most kids to watch Disney, Star Wars, Transformers etc...when will he be OK with what other kids fine normal...then I remember...its scared me that violence IS normal for most kids, and I am grateful to have an abnormal child to remind me of the peace in the world!

There are holes in my bubble....



peace rose


"These are my own beliefs and view, and in no way reflect how I feel about how others chose to raise their children, this is a non-judgemental point of view....."
-Kerry

When my first was born I visualized a bubble around him, soft and beautiful .  In my head this was my gift to him, a promise to keep him safe and loved. He is now 6 1/2!

I have made it my promise to protect my children from the violence of the world around them (in their bubbles) during their CHILDHOOD.  Some might call this being "over protective", it is just not the way I think....how can you "overprotect" small children that depend on you for safety of their bodies as well as their minds and spirits?

I BELIEVE....children need their childhood to play, grow, laugh, learn, smile, explore, imagine. (I could go on and on here) without such scary things they are developmentally NOT ready to grasp and are are scary.

I BELIEVE....adult problems are ADULT problems, and not a child's business, they have their own problems to learn to resolve, such as sharing, getting along with other children,  figuring out how to get dressed, go to the bathroom, and how to be heard with out interrupting (particularly hard for my son to learn right now, but he is working on it!)  These may seen insignificant compared to our worries about war,bills and politics.  But these are the "problems" that are going to teach them how to resolve adult problems, later in life.

I BELIEVE...in NON-VIOLENT play, I just feel at such a young impressionable age, it is just not necessary to hard wire their brains with images of fighting, destruction, anger and violence.  My husband has a theory on not giving the boys play tools,

 he BELIEVES... to give them real tools and teach them how to use and respect them with teach them a safe and responsible way to use real tools, and not hurt them selves or others, when given toy tools they pretend to saw off Papa's legs, because its plastic and cant really hurt him (lets hope our little one does not get his hands on a real saw!) The toy tools have been removed from the house, except for a wooden tool box with nuts and bolts and a screwdriver.

WE BELIEVE...the same is true for toy weapons! I to often witness children (mostly boys) smacking each other with bats, sticks, swords, light savers, or pretending to kill each other...really? We were at an event recently and this is what I heard....

Here is where the holes are being put in my bubbles....
"I am going to blow up the church!"
"She is dead, we cut off her head"
"I am going to kill you"

I went to check on Mason during this violent and forceful play situation, and he was happily playing with a toy by himself, completely ignoring the war like situation that was playing out around him! This made my heart both warm and sad at the same time.

Society does not BELIEVE....what I believe.  I am happy he is able to not engage in this kind of play when all the other kids are, He is also able to say "I don't like to play those games" to other children. but it makes me sad that there is not more  peaceful kind of play.  Sometimes he will encourage an imaginative game that is non-violent, but most of the time it is not.

I also notice that the non-violent play is mostly with girls...how come we encourage the boys to fight and play with weapons but not the girls...we are not living in mid evil times here anymore, where boys had to be trained to fight and defend...its 2011..we have an Army to train soldiers how to use weapons responsibly if they chose to defend and fight as adults..why at such a young age?

I am not naive, I know that there is violence and desperation in the world, but not in my child's world (for now), I know someday they will have to be exposed to it and learn about how the world is unfair.  They will learn that there are mean people too, but not for as long as I can keep that bubble around them

The bubble so far (for 6 1/2 yrs) has taught my son to be kind, compassionate, thoughtful, peaceful, and given him a chance to explore nature during his play.  It has kelp his imagination open to creative, non-violent play situations.  I truly don't think he knows how to be mean (to hurt), every child disagrees and argues. The key is to model and teach them NON-VIOLENT conflict resolution to their problems.

I BELIEVE in PEACE education!......
     Yesterday with 2 other families the Codianis and the Havens we had a day of Peace education. we started by asking the children ages 9month-6years, what they thought Peace is?

Athena (5yrs) - "Peace is laying on the beach" we then pretended to lay on the beach, we got out the ocean drum for sound effect, and each child took a turn making the peaceful sounds of the ocean.
Hunter (3yrs)- "taking a warm bath"
Janelle (mom)- I imagine a light coming from my body and wrapping around the world with all the people I love"
Katelyn (mom)- When I think of being peaceful, I imaging I am a flower, can you imagine what it would be like to be a flower?"
Baby Henry (9months) thinks its peaceful to nurse
Naiome (3yrs) enjoyed listening to every ones thoughts
Mason (6 1/2 yrs) "being quiet" so we played the silence game, we were quiet for 1 minuet, then talked about what we heard.
James- enjoyed listening to every ones thoughts

We talked about how to use a Peace Rose to solve conflict resolutions. Each person was given a silk peace rose to take home and use. see this article for more on this. We role played a situation, where one child grabs from another. We also looked at peace cards, which have the word "Peace" written in all different languages.  We also made copies of the "Peace Pledged" from the United Nations Pledge. You can sign it online and send it in too. We also printed a color copies for each family and framed them. Mason and Athena made  Friendship Flowers. from NAMC. They also shared a snack and lunch together.

Over all it was a very peaceful day, We plan to continue with peace education, through out our lives.

I know eventually my boys bubbles with slowly get holes and the reality of the worlds problems with be let in, but for now...during their childhood....

I will not have the adult news on the T.V. while my children are around, nor discuss scary worldly events in front of them, that they do not understand.
I will not provide violent T.V, movie, or computer exposure
I will not allow toy weapons in the home (if they pick up a stick and use it as a weapon, we will talk about how that could hurt someone (for real)
I will not tolerate  hitting, pushing, mean words (to hurt), or violence in our house
I will model appropriate behaviors inside and outside of the house for my children to witness, this means no gossip, road rage, snide remarks or prejudice remarks about others.  Good manners and kind gestures towards others.
I will talk to them about why people behavior the way they do as situations arise and talk about how it could have been handled differently and peacefully.
I will GIVE them the words to use, to solve conflicts with peers.

I PROMISE to give my children a strong sense of peace in their childhood!

Peace,
Kerryanne Cummins

The Witching Hour!

Anyone with small kids will know what I mean by "The Witching Hour"...that time before dinner, when everyone is tired, hungry, cranky, dirty, and impatient and all you want to do is get dinner cooked so they wont be at least hungry and cranky anymore (today). 

For us it is around 4:30, right when I say "OK I am going to start to cook dinner now, you guys go find something to do for awhile".....they fall apart, right then. I get the hanging on my leg whine....."IIII'MMMM HHHUUUNNNGGGRRYYY...." from the 2 year old.  "Mama! James wont let me play with that!" yell from the 5 yr old. etc....

Now I know, I know that practicing Montessori I should let them help prepare dinner, but you know some night I just cant! (most).  I let them help with breakfast and lunch, but dinner is already stressful.

So last night was one of those "Ah Ha" moments that happens once in awhile.  It started to pour out side, I mean it was raining hard, but it was so warm!  I was cooking on the grill outside and on my way out the door I said..."where are my boys? Come on you two , no shoes, grab your beach balls and come play in the puddles in the rain!  They had so much FUN for the last 20 mins before dinner was ready, Even I jumped in some puddles too!  Sometimes I forget its SUMMER, a time to kick back and have a little fun!

sorry for the poor picture

Thank you  boys for being cranky and reminding me to have fun!-Mama

Nature Based Play Yard

I have been triing to make my boys play yard more back to nature.  I want to give them a space to explore, discover and learn to love nature and being outside.  The being outside part is not a problem with them, they LOVE to be outside all the time, rain or shine!  Today we planted a Sunflower Hut.  I got this idea from my friend Brenda...We planted mammoth sunflower seeds alternated by small sunflower seeds in a 4x3 foot rectangle.  We left an open space for a door.  Hopefully when they grow, the boys will be able to go inside the sunflower hut!  There should be lots of praying mantis, butterflies, bees, and bugs attracted to the hut for exploring! when they start to grow I will add a pic. I also put a little bench I had (child size) under a forsythia bush that hangs over, so they can sit inside.  These are more ideas I have come up with so far...any suggestions welcome!

We had about 6 trees die in the past 2 years do to the caterpillars eating the foliage.  We have started to cut them down.  Warren put some of the really big logs in a half circle for them to use as steps.  They love these!

I hung two rope across the trees for them to get across!  Note to self...need marine rope!

the clothesline I used is not tight enough and stretches out to much...but in the mean time they are having fun not falling in to the "water or lava".  Even James at almost 2yrs can go across the rope!

This is the sand space "box" I made them.  I used long sticks/logs to create a fun shape that fit nice in between 3 trees. We had sand in their old sand box that I moved to this one.   I had a "sail" (green mess material hanging above James) my friend Lisa gave me.  I like the sail, it adds a cozy feeling, like they are in a cave.  We also hang  sheets with clothes pis from it to make a tent/cave/stage etc...

This is the rock garden.  I separated a section of the sand space and used nice round rock we had from our rock fireplace we had in the old house.  I wanted to give them a space to build, pretend and play with natural building materials.

Even Starla loves the play yard!  She digs herself a hole and climbs in for a nap while the boys play next to her! 

Mother's Day

Better posted late than never right?.....

What Mother's Day means to me....I get to sleep in!  That is my big present.  All I ask for from my boys is sleep, a homemade card and a hug! This year turned out a bit different, I got my morning to sleep in, but it was the day before Mother's day...why you ask?  Because I signed us up for a family hike and pancake breakfast at Moose Hill Audubon.  I loved it!  The women leading the walk was a bird specialist and taught us about all kinds of local birds.  Mason thought it was a class and held the women's hand most of the way!  James just took his time and looked at EVERYTHING...so needless to say Warren and Mason were in the front of the group with the "teacher" and James and I were toddling in the back.  I loved hearing Mason asking questions all the way from the back of the pack!  We also had Ashely and Christopher with us for an extra special Mother's day treat!

After the hike we all went inside to have pancakes, orange juice, sliced oranges and locally make maple syrup!  Yummy.  The boys each got a bag with crafts to make for mom too.

We drove up to Warren's parents house to see his mom and aunt Val (visiting from MT)  On the way we stopped at a local flower/garden center to buy my MIL a hanging basket (its tradition), where Mason endlessly kept asking Warren how much is this, how much is this one?  When Warren responded with a $20 when the price says $19.99 he would argue...so we taught him how to round up!  He got it pretty quick and spent the next 15 mins reading all the price tags in the place!  We were so proud of him and he was so proud of himself too.

We had a nice time at Skip & Sherry's house.  It was nice to see Val again and the boys played with their cousins outside in the yard all afternoon.  We ate Chinese food for dinner which was so good.

Thank you boys for a perfect day!  I would not have asked for anything more. Love Ya!

Boston University Research Activities

(See below for contact information & discription of study)

For the past 2 1/2 years Mason and now James have participated in research studies thru Children's Hospital-Boston and Boston University Medical School.  They are the "Control" group in studies to find out how typiclly developing children learn and when they learn such things as, Language skills, Ability to process and respond to social and emotional  information, Cognitive Development, etc...

The researchers conducting these studies use the results to compare to children with developmental disorders such as Austim and Williams Syndrome. 

We started participating shortly after a good freind of ours daughter was diagnosed with Autism.  We felt so helpless and such a strong need to "do something".  Although I know our help in these studies do not help our friends directly, I hope that our participation will help in the overall big picture to "Find a Cure" for these devestating disorders.

In doing so we have found a great lesson is being learned by Mason (5years old). 

He is learning to help others that are "sick". 

He is learning about a world bigger that himself, outside of our home/family.

He is learning that is feels good to miss a beautiful 85 degree day in April in MA to do something good for others!

He is also learning what it is like to go to "Work", He loves the idea that he has to pack a lunch, drive to Boston, spend a few hours "working" and he gets payed for doing good work! (like Dada)

He is learning that when the check comes in the mail it is his money and we decide together how he will spend/save it. He usually wants to use it to pay for his Oak Knoll Class, and he used one to buy a Pillow Pet? Thats what he wanted and he earned it!

Every single study we have done has been a very plesent experience.  The researchers and assistants are freindly and happy to work with the kids! 

The researchers NEED children to come in and help in these studies, there are many different ones, for both typical developing kids and those with developmental disorders, siblings too!  If you are interested in these please read below and contact them.  The information below is just one study, feel free to ask about others they are working on too.
Kerry

Research Activities for your kids at Boston University-------------------------


Are you looking for research activities for your child?

Researchers at Boston University would be happy to enroll your child in a one-time research study for 1 to 3 hours.

Study involves a standardized assessment of cognition and simple computer activities.

Participant must be:
-between 5 and 9 years old
Participants will be compensated $15 for each hour of the research completed and travel expenses will be covered.
Free Parking is provided. Visits are scheduled at your convenience during the week or the weekend. Study takes place at Boston University.
For more information, please call us at 617-414-1309 or email wmsproj@bu.edu.

Making Butter

I have to share a funny story from when Warren and I were still dating!
I really have not changed much over the past 8 or so years we have been together!

So we are in our first house (tiny tiny tiny cottage) that we had just spent 1 year rebuilding. I was telling Warren that I wanted a butter churn so I could make us homemade butter. Sweet Warren hops online after I went to bed and found one on Ebay! He kept it a secret until it came in the mail, he was so proud of himself! Then he opened the box....apparently he didn't read the descriptions fine print.....
it was about 1 inch big! a perfect little mini of a butter churn! LOL
I felt so bad, it was so thoughtful! We still have it in the kitchen today!

Since then I got a real one from my friend Lisa's grandparents at a yard sale.
I decided a couple of days ago I wanted to make butter with the kids. I bought heavy cream and we started to churn! and churn and churn...1/2 hour later long after the boys got board with this and left me on the floor to churn alone, I had whipped butter!
So I wonder, had I kept going would I have made more solid butter? Is there a key ingredient that I missed somewhere? If anyone knows please share, but for now, I like the whipped butter!

St.Patrick's Day

      Happy St. Patricks Day!  So he came again! The Leprechaun!  Every year we set a trap to catch him so he has to share his gold.  This hat has a false top with a fake gold rock on top.  Since Leprechaun's do not like to follow the rules we put up a sign that says "Do Not Climb Ladder" and put a small ladder made of twigs leaning up against the hat.  Ofcourse the Leprechaun climbed the ladder to get the gold!  He did fall in, but that tricky little guy, used the ladder to climb OUT!  Mason was so excited when he looked inside and saw GOLD! but alas he tricked us, it was chocolate gold coins!!! Sneaky little Irishman!
     

For breakfast we had tea & cereal with GREEN milk!  James thought this was so funny!

For "school" time James worked on one to one correspondice with green marbles and tongs, and spooning with a melon baller.

Mason worked on Honey's St. Patrick's Day 3 Part Cards and  great thing happened.....I decided to put on some Irish music and instantly Mason picked out the instruments that were on the cards (Celtic instruments that were ban during Queen Elizabeth I time) He listened carefully to pick out the sounds of the tin whistle, bodhan drum and fiddle, and heard them!  It was great!

We spent a lovely afternoon with friends at the playground, came home ate boiled dinner and then James out of no where spiked a fever of 102.7! Sick again?  Oh No!......

Luck O' the Irish!

Precious Time

Wasnt I just 7 years old, running around with no shoes on, playing all day, going to the "General Store" for penny candy and all I had to worry about was what time I had to be back at the summer cottage for dinner!? Those times are long gone and my own son is turning 5 soon! I want for him and my other 1 year old son to have the same care-free childhood that I had, I want thier summers to feel endless as mine did.....I want thier childhood years to last for ever!!!
But sadly I know that they will grow up to soon and I will no longer long for my own childhood years,but for the time I had with thiers!
I have triied to make a commitment to myself to kick back a little and relax more so I can stop and really listen to my son when he talks to me (no matter how repetative or silly) and not brush him off with a "just a minuet ,Hold on a minuet, I'm busy", ect.....
To remember the baby's innocent eyes and simple smiles, his wobbly legs standing on his own for the first time!
My commitment means:
more reading for mom, less worring about dishes!
more playing cars! ENDLESSLY!
more tickles
more laying in the grass
more chalk drawings
more bike rides
more cooking together
more talking together
MORE PATIENCE!!!!!!!
ECT>>>>>
When they are grown and dont need my attention anymore I will then....
I will worry about housework!